“It’s like I’m writing a book and it’s a book I deeply love. But I’m writing it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story. But it’s in this endless space between the words I am finding myself in now.”—
“To love is to relate to an other — one who grows and evolves and chooses and, sometimes, leaves. It is never fair, never loving to define or put a limit to who they are or who they can be. Who they are is neither you nor yours. So if you have loved and lost, in a way you have never imagined, remember Samantha’s words: “Me too. Now we know how.””—
Today I had my last Philosophy 101 orals. I was nervous but I never thought about crying.
Seeing the second thesis statement, I wasn’t nervous. I felt as if I could do it and I did (I think) but I never thought it will bring me to tears. I don’t know why but I guess it made me realize a lot of things. Truly, that moment of reflection weighed me down with the thought that life is scary, that I’m so small compared to what life is in its entirety. I know that deep down I filled my head with thoughts of this every night, how it seems I’m going about aimlessly, forever meandering and just groping and hoping for a way out. I think that hopefully for once I find a sure path yet there never really is. At that moment I just managed to verbalize my fear of the uncertain. And isn’t it pure lunacy to go on without a sure path when as people that’s something we always try to have? We plan our days, we tend to follow a schedule or a routine, just so we have order in our lives but looking at the bigger picture, it’s raw chaos. Why even try when you never know for sure, right?
With the verbalization of my fear, along came the realization that it’s something we have to live with. The sheer lunacy of life is the object that makes it richer. We realize more and we learn more because of it — we trip, we fall, but we always get back up because it’s a part of life. We just learn and try to avoid the same mistake. It’s a risk that we’re all faced with — living with uncertainty, but it’s this uncertainty that makes life richer and fuller.
“My fear of life is necessary to me, as is my illness. Without anxiety and illness, I am a ship without a rudder. My art is grounded in reflections over being different from others. My sufferings are part of my self and my art. They are indistinguishable from me, and their destruction would destroy my art. I want to keep those sufferings.”—Edvard Munch (via petrichour)
“When your heart is shattered into a million pieces, all you can do is try to keep holding on. You breathe. You try to fall asleep. You try to not think about him.”— Susane Colasanti, Keep Holding On (via feellng)