“Of course I constantly despair at my own incapacity, at the impossibility of ever accomplishing anything, of painting a valid, true picture or even knowing what such a thing ought to look like. But then I always have the hope that, if I persevere, it might one day happen.”—Gerhard Richter (via kaitlincarroll)
“When I look at my life and its secret colours, I feel like bursting into tears. Like that sky. It’s rain and sun both, noon and midnight… I think of the lips I’ve kissed, and of the wretched child I was, and of the madness of life and the ambition that sometimes carries me away. I’m all those things at once. I’m sure there are times when you wouldn’t even recognize me. Extreme in misery, excessive in happiness - I can’t say it.”—Albert Camus, A Happy Death (via fables-of-the-reconstruction)
your life is your life don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. be on the watch. there are ways out. there is a light somewhere. it may not be much light but it beats the darkness. be on the watch. the gods will offer you chances. know them. take them. you can’t beat death but you can beat death in life, sometimes. and the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be. your life is your life. know it while you have it. you are marvelous the gods wait to delight in you.
There has to be something wrong when you keep hitting the snooze button every morning, right? Well, at least that’s what I think. It’s not that I’m tired (well, I am) but it’s more of I can’t find a reason to get up every single morning. I’m drained, I’m zapped out of energy, and the routine is killing me.
Wake up. Eat. Class. Study. Work.
That’s pretty much it every single day. It feels so mechanical it’s killing me.
I find it sad that I don’t find a reason to get up every morning. I have nothing to look forward to every single day. And that’s not right. The routine is making me feel as if I was taken away and was replaced by a robot who was programmed to do the same thing, bound by the routine of life.
Wow. I just managed to make myself sound like an ungrateful kid.
Don’t get me wrong. I study in one of the best universities, I’m not going through any financial or family problems. No love problems. No school problems. No work problems. Nothing. Yet I still feel nothing.
Maybe it’s that feeling of nothingness that makes me cling on to my bed and let the day pass on. I don’t feel excited to wake up every morning. I don’t think “yay! it’s a brand new day!” I just get a mental groan in my head. And now I’m asking myself why.
Why can’t I feel anything?
What am I supposed to do?
All I know is that I’d still continue searching for that thing. I can’t let myself get stuck in this rut.
“Look at you. You’re young. And you’re scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as fuck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget that you have school the next day. Stop waiting for Friday. Live now. Do it now. Take risks. Tell secrets. This life is yours. When are you going to realize that you can do whatever you want?”—Louise Flory (via seabois)